The Rumor Mill
by WonderGuppie
Summary: Everyone has their quirks. Providence's higher-ups just happen to have a LOT of them. There have got to be good reasons that explain why they are the way they are...we may not know all the answers for sure, but, rumor has it... NO OC's Ch2 Death Row Bobo
1. Persons of Interest

**The Rumor Mill**

Chapter One: Persons of Interest

There will be no mysterious girls (or boys) with incredible powers, or never-before-mentioned obscure relatives of our famous higher-ups worming their way into this report; no sir, no ma'am! If they're not instantly recognizable when they walk down the hallway, they are not going to be mentioned in this manifesto.

Who are we? Never fear, good people. We are not here to put ourselves in the spotlight. Goodness, no. We're not even going to bother giving our names. WAY too many of us have had a hand in assembling this report for us to name every contributor, and plus, we've got nothing to do with the story. We're just here to tell it.

We're here to tell tales of the people we all know and love - the people that you damn well should be here to read about – the people that keep our lives interesting.

There is a standard of intrigue that must be met in order for a person's name to make it into these reports, and we are not the least ashamed to say that none of us even come close to meeting that standard.

Currently, the list of individuals deemed worthy of a place in this tome is limited to only six names.

White Knight. Doctor Holiday. Agent Six. Rex. Noah Nixon. Bobo Haha.

The Providence elite!

Every other day, it seems, we get some new character with a ridiculously saccharine name and so-called amazing powers, many claiming to have some affiliation or relation to our elites, but really, no one gives a flying fuck about any of them and their "riveting" backgrounds. We don't care. The public doesn't care. As a matter of fact, all of Providence finds them to be incredibly annoying.

Our interests lie in those whom we have been fighting alongside for a good long while. Those who have earned our respect, admiration, and trust. Those who, oddly, we seem to know so little about despite how much time we've spent in their presence. Their files are top secret, and kept locked away. They've revealed little to nothing about their pasts to anyone outside that elite circle.

Let's start at the top and begin with our head honcho. That'd be White Knight - the boss-man himself. The grouchy white-haired man who barks out all the orders.

It's common knowledge that he may be the only being on the planet not infected by nanites…how he got that way, however…well…there are plenty of rumors and theories…

Knight wasn't always the head of Providence. He wasn't always nanite-free either.

For most of us, the events that formed the Elite circle were way before we came along, but some of the guys who have been around long enough told us that Knight used to be just a regular agent, and that he was Agent Six's partner!

Most of us have never seen him as anything other than a picture on a monitor, scowling and growling commands.

Just like White Knight wasn't always the head of Providence, Dr. Holiday wasn't always Providence's top scientist.

Dr. Fell used to be Providences numero uno brainiac, and Holiday used to work under him.

They say Bobo was around back in Fell's days too, before Rex made the scene.

There's a lot of talk swirling around about how the Providence dream team came to be, but there are only a few things we're certain are true:

Fell disappeared around the same time White Knight became nanite-free and came to power. This was around the same time as Rex surfaced - and Knight appointed Holiday to replace Fell as top scientist. All this happened around the same time Six and Holiday were rumored to have been seen talking to each other in private. That can't all just be coincidence.

It's real shady. Any records surrounding those times are kept well out of reach of any of us, and Knight, Holiday, Six, Rex, and Bobo won't say anything.

Well, Bobo and Rex tell us some stuff, but given their records, we know better than to believe what they tell us. Screwing with us is their favorite pastime…when they're not hanging out with Noah on the basketball court.

Noah seems to be the most recent addition to the crew. SEEMS to be. SUPPOSEDLY, he's just a normal civilian, but, we have our suspicions.

He seems like a good kid, though. At least he gives Rex and Bobo something to focus their time and energy on that isn't us. Personally, I don't see how Noah could have been involved in the incident with Fell, since he'd have been pretty young at the time (if he is, in fact, human)…but Providence seems to attract the improbable.

There are a couple rumors going around that, purposely or not, Six, Knight, and Holiday are all involved in a conspiracy that ended in Fell's murder.

Some say Holiday might have done it. Maybe there was some romance there, and Fell didn't return her feelings? Some think Six might have convinced her to kill, or help him kill Fell; and Knight was trying to stop them, or that Six was trying to stop Holiday from killing Fell, or that Knight was the one who killed Fell, and Six was trying to get Holiday to help him stop Knight or at least keep her away so she wouldn't get caught up in the murder, or that it was all some big accident…in any case, we know Knight, Six, and Holiday were all involved in covering it all up.

There's also rumor that some kind of freaky illegal experimentation was going on that might have had something to do with Rex. Noah too, if you're one of the guys with the hardcore belief that the whole Providence inner circle is built on conspiracy.

Whatever the case, most of us can agree that Knight, Six, Holiday, and Rex do good work, and are trying to help the world (we probably wouldn't be here otherwise)…but we still have many pressing, unanswered questions about the Providence elite.

How and what does Knight eat? Being nanite-free means he'd have to avoid eating nanite-infected food, right? What about oxygen and plumbing? How do they keep that nanite-free? And is his name seriously White Knight? Is that what his mother named him?

What's with Six's sunglasses, and why the suit-and-tie for a ninja? And why GREEN? And is HIS name seriously Six? Did he have his name changed? If so, why? And why Six?

Why does Dr. Holiday wear red shoes on Fridays? What's this lady's first name anyway, where did she learn to fight, and how on earth is a smart, beautiful woman like her still single!

…IS she single?

Bobo…the accent, the eye patch (what happened to his eye?), the fez…and there's an explanation out there somewhere that makes it all make sense to him. We would all love to hear this explanation.

Where did Rex come from? Why does he only remember his own first name? Why don't his clothes rip when he uses his EVO powers to change his body? Why does that seem to be true of all EVO's? Motorcycle underpants: where can we get them? What does Rex see in those awful soap operas?

Is Noah really a civilian? Is Noah even human? How did he meet Rex? How does he get to and from Providence? Where are this kid's parents? Do they know he ends up in some pretty dangerous situations while hanging around Rex? Where did he learn to operate a bulldozer, and since he's so good at keeping Rex occupied and happy, can we keep him?

We have composed this dissertation to chronicle the greatest mysteries surrounding our exotic, high-profile agents, as well as to record some of the most popular speculations circulating among the ranks that might explain why they do what they do. It is a log. A manual. A creed.

It is our hobby, and it is our lives.

This is a record of the Providence rumor mill, and we, its historians, keepers, and writers, are The Grunts.


	2. Death Row Bobo

Chapter Two: Death Row Bobo

No matter how many times we swear we'll never play cards with that smooth talking swindler, once you've played cards with Bobo Haha, you never REALLY quit.

It's kind of a circulatory process. You play a few rounds, get fed up with his cheating, vow never to play cards with him again, stomp off, you stay true to your word for a few months while someone else takes your place at the table, and, eventually, you find yourself back for more.

We all *know* that Bobo cheats (we don't know HOW he cheats, but we KNOW that he does it), and yet we're STILL constantly entering, leaving, and re-entering the card table.

WHY we do it is a mystery in and of itself. Maybe we come back thinking this time we'll be able to catch him cheating, or that we can out-cheat him…maybe it's because we're bored. Maybe, in some sick and twisted way, we LIKE the abuse (I wouldn't be surprised if a handful of Bobo's favorite 'poker buddies' had developed some kind of gambling addiction). Maybe we're just that dumb, or maybe Bobo's so smart that he somehow knows how to trick us into coming back; in any case, it's a vicious cycle of Bobo making out like the bandit he is.

The most commonly accepted story of Bobo's past before he came to Providence is that he was owned by an eccentric philanthropist who trained him to be a helper animal to entertain hospitalized children.

We're not saying that's a lie, but we don't think that's the WHOLE story. Honestly, we don't think anyone – not Rex, not Holiday, not Knight, or Six – knows Bobo's whole story…

…which leaves us plenty of room for speculation.

There are a couple theories amongst us grunts concerning The Philanthropist.

Some think Bobo was stolen from him. Some think The Philanthropist died (accident, incurable illness or other natural cause, or was murdered and Bobo was stolen by his murderers), and Bobo fell into the wrong hands…

…but a lot of us have to agree, this makes the most sense: we suspect The Philanthropist may have had a gambling problem, and gave Bobo up to settle his debts.

Death, murder, theft, or debt, we believe that Bobo had another owner after The Philanthropist, but before he came to Providence – be that before or after he went EVO and gained the ability to talk.

One popular theory is that Bobo ended up in the hands of a swindling Vegas card shark, who re-trained Bobo to help him steal and cheat tourists and gambling addicts out of their money; hence Bobo's repertoire of dirty jokes, his card prowess, and his other bad habits. They sure didn't come from being a trained helper animal in a children's hospital!

Rumor has it that the pair's ultimate heist was swindling the entire Las Vegas Shriners organization, and that Bobo wears that red fez, stolen right off one of the Shriner's heads, in remembrance of the event.

Some of us like to think in specifics; like that Bobo and his card shark owner worked a pirate-themed casino, which is why Bobo wears the eye patch. Some people don't know if they believe he wears it for medical purposes, but out of habit. Some think Bobo might have been born with the injury or gotten it when he was very young, and that the injury Bobo had might have been a big part of what attracted Bobo to the eccentric Philanthropist…but there are other, darker rumors concerning the origin of Bobo's eye patch.

We all know that at some point, obviously, Bobo was separated from his second, sleazebag owner, or he wouldn't have ended up at Providence.

Some believe Bobo was sold for a huge pile of cash by his sleazebag owner after Bobo went EVO and gained the ability to speak. Some say his owner kept him around after he went EVO, because Bobo was an even more useful partner with his newfound abilities.

Some believe Bobo got smarter than his sleazebag owner, and left HIM in the dust to work on his own…

…and some of us wonder if maybe Bobo wasn't treated so well by his sleazebag owner. It's one of the darker theories out there surrounding Bobo Haha's past.

Rumor has it, Bobo was a victim of animal abuse, owned by a greedy, money-hungry sleazebag con artist – not a huge leap to infer that the sleazebag could have been a drunk or just cruel, if he was already a criminal anyway.

Bobo knows all about the rumors going around that concern his past. Most of them came about (at first, in jest) around the poker table. Bobo loves hearing the latest new twists and turns of these rumors. He laughs…but he neither confirms nor denies their accuracy.

Bobo has a few 'regulars' – a handful of people who, for whatever reason, Bobo has taken a liking to; a few good, challenging rounds of cards with them has a way of getting Bobo talking.

Mostly he tells jokes. He's got a million of them, many of them far too racy to be repeated.

Rumor has it that, late one night, during the graveyard shift, Bobo was playing cards with several of his regulars. Everyone was feeling relaxed and comfortable as they shared jokes and funny stories.

There was a newbie in with the regulars that night. Seems the guy was feeling at ease, and like he'd been accepted as part of the group.

Maybe he wasn't yet used to the graveyard shift, and it was sleep deprivation along with his overconfidence talking…but rumor has it, he asked what none of us - not even the regulars who Bobo trusted - dared to ask…

It's common courtesy, really.

Bobo may be a cheat, but he's an honest one. He is forward. He doesn't pretend to be what he's not. He's a cheat, everyone knows it, and Bobo makes no attempt to hide it. Ask him and he'll proudly tell you outright, with that evil, self-satisfied grin on his face, "Bobo's a bad, naughty monkey!"

Sure, it's a kind of twisted honesty, but there's something about it you can't help but respect, and that's why none of us ever asked him ourselves…

"Yo, Bobo," This greenhorn schmuck says, tone casual, smiling contently as though he's just commenting on the weather as he says it, "How'd you end up with that eye patch,?"

This guy's known Bobo for MAYBE a couple of weeks.

Yeah, he probably really didn't mean any harm by it, but still, it's not an appropriate question to ask anybody…and he wasn't done talking.

"'Cause I heard some guys talkin' and I heard 'em say the poor bastard stuck with you before you came to darken Providence's doorstep mighta put it out himself cause he was bored and had nothin' better t' do than beat up on an animal half his size."

That guy was the only one laughing.

Everyone else had gone dead still, gaping in horror at the nerve of the guy. They say Bobo's expression went stone cold, unreadable. He could have given Six a run for his money.

The schmuck caught on and stopped laughing, "…but…that ain't true, right?"

No one can say for sure whether Bobo was offended by the very thought that his former owner could be suspected of such a thing, or if the schmuck was dead on, and his last owner really DID put Bobo's eye out; but, they say after a long silence, Bobo laid down his winning hand of cards, claimed he'd won enough money off the bozo poker table for one night and was getting tired of beating them, and excused himself to go to bed.

Yeah, as dark as it sounds, some of us suspect that Bobo might have lost his eye to an abusive owner.

Some think Bobo ran away from his owner to escape abuse.

Abused or not, some suggest that maybe Bobo's owner died, or was arrested, and that Bobo was alone after that. Some say maybe he was taken into custody by police and animal control, and they tried to find him a new home.

Whether he wandered alone after separating from his owner, or was placed in a new home, many think this was the period of Bobo's life that brought about his disdain for Mother Nature and her natural order.

Quite a few of us have, at some point while on assignment in the wilderness with him, witnessed Bobo raising his fists, shaking them vengefully at the sky, glaring bitterly at the heavens above, and shouting ominously, "NEVER FORGET!"

Some say he wandered the streets alone, gaining firsthand experience in the school of hard knocks as he learned faced the challenges of trying to simply survive on his own.

Others think he found a new home…with some batty, diluted animal rights activist who thought they were doing Bobo a favor by trying to re-introduce Bobo back into the wild.

We could spend days discussing theories of how Bobo might have found his way back to civilization, but let's just leave it at this:

Bobo was not cut out for life as a wild, free chimpanzee. He was domesticated and lacked the skills as well as any desire to live such a life. It made him miserable, and he'd sooner run into oncoming traffic than return to that life for another day, because, as he says, "Mother nature is a cruel mistress."

Whatever situation he came from, he somehow managed to make it to Providence.

The widely accepted explanation for that is that, well, Providence came to HIM.

Knowing Bobo Haha, he was probably stirring up trouble to the point that the public demanded Providence come and do something about the EVO chimpanzee driving locals bananas.

One thing we do know for sure about Bobo: he was captured by Providence, and not just once. The guys who have been around long enough say Bobo Haha has been a pain in Providence's side since the day he arrived.

A talking chimp: really, really cool. The scientists thought so too.

Again, let us remind you, Bobo Haha came to Providence before White Knight was running things. This was back when Knight was still Agent Six's partner, Dr. Fell was Providence's top scientist, Dr. Holiday was working under him, and, depending on who you ask and what you believe, Rex was not yet around.

Luckily for Bobo, when he was first brought in, Dr. Fell and his team of brainiacs felt like Bobo was worth studying…but Bobo kept escaping, and doing what Bobo does best: making as big a nuisance of himself as he could.

Rumor has it, the scientists were starting to agree that the trouble Bobo caused was no longer worth the trouble of keeping him around for study.

Back in Dr. Fell's days, the Providence creed consisted of 'contain or kill' – but really, it was more like 'kill or contain until we can get around to killing'.

If the EVO wasn't killed in the field, and could be contained and transported back to the laboratories, well…that just meant an existence in a cage prolonged until you ceased to be of interest to the scientists…after that…molecular dissection.

The process was pointless. The data would come back the same every time. It was useless to keep repeating the process, but, for some reason, Dr. Fell insisted that it was the only way they would be able to find a cure for EVOs.

Dr. Holiday was beginning to challenge Dr. Fell's methods. All it did was give them the same data with every attempt and free up cages for more EVOs to be brought in.

The molecular dissection process was fatal to the EVO it was performed on.

Bobo Haha was on death row.

Some things, you don't really need evidence and facts to prove. Some things, you can just feel, and you know it's true…

Bobo would not be here today if not for Rex. One way or another, Rex saved Bobo's life…and in more ways than one.

He didn't just save Bobo from certain death…he gave Bobo another chance…gave him a purpose…put some meaning into Bobo's life.

It's not something that can be explained, nor does it need to be. Just seeing the look on Bobo's face when he's watching Rex is all the proof anyone needs.

We doubt anyone but Bobo himself knows Bobo's full history…but if it involved philanthropists, con artists, pirates, animal rights activists, and Shriners…well…none of that really matters, because Bobo didn't REALLY start living until he had Rex to live for.

If you asked Bobo, he would probably agree…but he'd also walk away grinning and whistling a merry tune as he slipped your wallet into his pocket.

Bobo Haha was on death row. How he got to where he is today…well…that's a story for another time.


End file.
